“The Most Important Person on Earth”
by Joseph Cardinal Mindszenty
“The most important person on earth is a mother. She cannot claim the honor of having built Notre Dame Cathedral. She need not. She has built something more magnificent than any cathedral—a dwelling for an immortal soul, the tiny perfection of her baby’s body.
The angels have not been blessed with such a grace. They cannot share in God’s creative miracle to bring new saints to heaven. Only a human mother can. Mothers are closer to God the Creator than any other creatures. God joins forces with mothers in performing this act of creation.
What on God’s good earth is more glorious than this: to be a mother?”
My OB in Chicago gave me this quote on a prayer card when I moved to Michigan halfway through my first pregnancy. I have enjoyed sharing it with pregnant or newly postpartum moms, as I was deeply moved by it when I was a new mom—and I continue to be. Motherhood is full of struggles and sacrifices—of which labor and birth are only a notable beginning. But motherhood, in whatever way it comes to a woman—biologically, through adoption, or via spiritual motherhood—is without a doubt a glorious, beautiful, unparalleled gift of grace, as Cardinal Mindszenty so eloquently articulates.
Postpartum is a natural consequence of the truly unique gift of sharing in “God’s creative miracle” as a mother, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult. For biological mothers, the postpartum period and breastfeeding pose mental and physical challenges that are exclusive to motherhood. While undoubtedly difficult, these experiences are part of what make a mother “the most important person on earth”. Like birth, postpartum recovery and breastfeeding allow mothers to partake in Christ’s redemptive suffering to give way to something far greater—life. This doesn’t mean we can’t be prepared for the postpartum period, though, or do what we can to minimize the discomfort it causes. Rather, I believe that we honor mothers and the glorious role they play in creation by supporting them through and—as with this post—preparing them for postpartum.
Postpartum
I did a lot to prepare for labor and birth, but to be honest, I was not ready for the drastic discomfort of postpartum (disclaimer: the initial weeks of postpartum did *not* look like these pictures). Without trying to scare anyone, I always talk to first time moms about how sore I was and how slowly I needed to take things at first because I remember wondering, “Why didn’t anyone tell me it would be like this?!” There seems to be so much focus on the physicality of birth that postpartum often gets overlooked. I had seen mom friends and my own mother after their births, and they did not seem to be in nearly the amount of pain I was in those first few days and weeks after giving birth.
This, I’ve learned, is likely because postpartum soreness tends to ease with each subsequent birth, and because—even the first time—you feel better and better each passing day and week. But it doesn’t help that an accurate postpartum depiction is rarely portrayed in the media, and we see people like the royals who seem just fine, walking in high heels just days after giving birth. Not only can this leave moms unprepared for the intense physical recovery period after birth, but it can make us feel like something’s wrong with us for struggling to sit, stand, and move. With A Little Grace was founded on sisterhood, as I vowed to share things I’d share with my sisters—things I love and value as well as things I wish I’d known. So while the topic borders on discomfort to write, it’s exactly the type of post that I wish I had before giving birth—and the kind of post With A Little Grace was created for.
*Admittedly, I am not your best resource if you have a C-section. I am only speaking from my experience of birth and postpartum, so I don’t know what’s necessary or not in recovering from a C-section.
Postpartum essentials*
Stool softener: Colace or up&up stool softener (MUCH cheaper) - After birth, your body focuses on recovering and healing from delivery and not so much on digestion, so it’s safe to say you will be constipated for a few days afterward. The hospital will likely start giving you stool softener shortly after birth, but you’ll want to have some ready at home, too (as well as eat a lot of fiber) to try to get things moving again. (Just make sure you follow the recommendations, dosage, and frequency of your midwife or OB.) Just be warned that even if you take these measures, your first bowel movement after giving birth will likely be… uncomfortable.
Pads/adult diapers: Rael organic cotton pads or up&up adult incontinence underwear - Pick your poison here, but you will need some serious pads or adult diapers for at least a few weeks after giving birth. (No need to bring them to the hospital, they will have some there.) Not the most comfortable thing to wear, but it’s a necessity as you will have postpartum bleeding for weeks as your uterus shrinks back to it’s pre-pregnancy size. If you opt for pads, I took extra pairs of the hospital underwear which are big and stretchy, but a friend also recommended to get some inexpensive, cotton, comfortable underwear in a size up so you don’t mind if they get ruined. (Also see “Ice Packs” below.)
Over-the-counter pain relief: Usually your provider will give you OTC pain relief like acetaminophen (Tylenol) or ibuprofen (Advil) in the hours after delivery. These are nice to have on-hand for when you get home from the hospital. I continued taking what my midwife instructed for at least a few days, then slowly decreased the frequency as I felt better. Especially if you had tearing from birth, this really helps with postpartum pain and soreness. (Again, just make sure to follow your provider’s recommendations on this.)
Witch hazel pads: Tucks - A friend recommended I get these for postpartum before I had Lucy, and even though I didn’t have hemorrhoids, I’m glad I bought them. I would just pat them gently on the perineum after going to the bathroom when I got home from the hospital. They have a cooling effect and help you heal if you had any tearing during birth. (These Frida Mom Cooling Pad Liners would be nice because they cover front to back and can just be worn on your pad—they are, however, a more expensive option.)
Numbing spray: Dermoplast pain relieving spray - I was given a bottle of Dermoplast at the hospital, but having an extra bottle or two is nice to have for when you get home. This spray has benzocaine (a topical numbing agent) to help numb the area. I sprayed it over my perineal area after going to the bathroom. (The Earth Mama Perineal Spray is cleaner, i.e. non-toxic, but doesn’t have the same numbing effect—it’s kind of like a clean combination between the witch hazel pads and the numbing spray. I might opt for this one this time.)
Perineal Washer: Peri Bottle - Since it’s recommended not to use toilet paper after birth, they give you a plastic bottle to fill with warm water and wash with for using the bathroom (á la a bidet). That’s all I used with Lucy, but this peri bottle does make it easier since the hospital ones don’t have the angled tip.
Optional
Donut: Frida Mom Donut Cushion or Dr. Frederick’s Original Donut Pillow - No, not the kind of donut you eat (unfortunately). These inflatable donut-shaped pillows help ease perineal discomfort when sitting after giving birth (because even sitting is uncomfortable). However, some OBs/midwives prefer you not to use one depending on if/where you had tearing, so just ask your provider after birth for her recommendations.
Sitz bath: up&up epsom salt - My midwife recommended that I take a sitz bath every day for the first week or so after giving birth to help with healing and pain relief. I simply filled the bath with warm water and mixed in the amount of unscented epsom salt she recommended. If you don’t have a bath or don’t want to take a bath, you can buy an over-the-toilet sitz bath and mix the same proportion of epsom salt to water.
Ice packs: Frida Mom Instant Ice Maxi Pads or ColPac Reusable Gel Ice Pack - In the hospital, I was provided with ice packs for my perineum. My PT recommended the reusable ice pack for your perineum or low abdomen, just place a towel between ice and skin. Or, you can use the genius Frida Mom invention of a maxi pad and ice pack all in one.
Clothing: Lululemon Wunder Under High Rise leggings or Athleta Ultra High Rise Elation Tight - If breastfeeding, see below for my recommendations, as this will drive most of what you wear, at least on top. On bottom, my pelvic floor physical therapist recommended these leggings specifically for postpartum to help hold in my belly without too much restriction (as a belly band would). Other than nursing-friendly tops/bras and these leggings, you just want to be comfortable, especially those first few weeks when all you do is feed and snuggle that new babe!
Headbands: 12 Piece Top Knot Satin Headbands or J.Crew headbands - Not at all necessary, but when you have a newborn and never have time to do your hair, headbands can make you looked pulled together in literally one second. Several months after birth you’ll also likely notice hair near your face has fallen out and started to grow back in as awkward-looking little wispy hairs, AKA “mom bangs”. Headbands work well to hide these. (The set of 12 headbands are roughly $1/headband but you get what you pay for… If you’re looking for something nicer, J.Crew’s are quite comfortable.)
What I wish I knew
Accept help - Whether that’s accepting meals from those who offer, allowing someone to watch your baby while you sleep, or letting someone at the grocery store help you with your bags down the road, it is both necessary and humbling to let yourself be loved by family, friends, and strangers alike.
Go slow! - The first week or so (maybe more?) when I would get a random energy burst I might start to get little things done—finally unpack our hospital bag, make the bed—and within 30 minutes I often felt lightheaded and suddenly exhausted. While this was disheartening, I learned quickly to listen to my body and sit down or rest when I felt that way.
Things get better - As I mentioned, I was unprepared for how hard postpartum would be initially. But a few weeks in postpartum make a huge difference! Every day I felt a little better, and each week I felt exponentially better. You will feel like yourself again, but those first few precious weeks (and months!) are a time to rest and enjoy the newborn snuggles.
Pelvic Floor Therapy
After I had Lucy, I was experiencing some of the postnatal symptoms that are deemed as “normal”. Thankfully, when I mentioned these at my postpartum appointment, instead of waving me off, my midwife gave me the name of a pelvic floor physical therapist and encouraged me to see her. While my symptoms (mild urinary incontinence and diastasis recti, or the “mom pooch”) weren’t severe and my midwife wasn’t concerned, she recognized that they were bothersome to me, and that’s what mattered. It took me almost nine months to finally go see a pelvic floor therapist, but as my PT told me when I got there, “Everyone comes at the right time.”
I had heard about the benefits of pelvic floor PT, but I was nervous to do something that was so, well, intimate. I also assumed that doing more kegels and pelvic floor (PF) exercises at home could eliminate my problems. But after my first session I was so glad I had decided to go. My PT, Emilee, put me at ease right away, clearly well versed in dealing with a topic that can make patients feel uncomfortable. After her initial evaluation, Emilee told me that my symptoms were due to a PF that was hypertonic, or too tense—that means kegels and PF exercises weren’t going to help me. I simply needed to work on intentionally relaxing my PF. After just a few visits and simple exercises to do at home, my symptoms already started to disappear.
Now pregnant again, I still see my PF therapist and believe all women need to (and should have the access to). My symptoms of mild urinary incontinence (especially when I worked out) and DR are common after birth, but that doesn’t mean they’re normal. They kept me from fully enjoying working out as I had before and hindered my self-confidence. But what truly astonished me was filling out a questionnaire at my first visit. Each question asked about a possible symptom and provided a scale to rate how severe it was. I couldn’t believe the severity of symptoms some women endure! While my symptoms were bothersome, they were minimal relative to what some women clearly deal with.
This made me realize that so many women don’t go to a PF therapist until their symptoms are extreme because of lack of access, lack of insurance coverage, or lack of education. Unfortunately, most women are taught to believe that their symptoms, even if mild, are just “normal” and an inevitable result of giving birth. While the latter might be true, all women should have access to postpartum PF care. If you experience any symptoms that you didn’t have before giving birth, I strongly encourage you to see a PF therapist if you can. It was the best postpartum decision I made to get back to feeling like myself—and all women deserve that.
Breastfeeding
My grandma kindly gave me The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding to read when I was pregnant with Lucy. We also took a breastfeeding class, and if you plan to breastfeed I would strongly recommend you do at least one of those. An understanding lactation consultant (like I had!) is an invaluable resource, but for those random, middle of the night questions KellyMom.com will be your go-to resource for everything breastfeeding related.
Clothing
Nursing bras - During pregnancy, your rib cage expands, so make sure to account for that when buying nursing bras. Also consider the fact that your postnatal breast size will likely be a cup size or two larger than your pre-pregnancy size. You’ll also want to avoid underwire in the first weeks to avoid getting clogged ducts or mastitis.
Daytime: Lively Maternity Bralette - I loved this bra thanks to it’s stretchy band (ahem, expanding rib cage), wireless cups, and cute style (most wireless nursing bras are so frumpy). It also comes in a “Busty” version. It doesn’t provide a ton of support or shape (most wireless nursing bras don’t) but for me that was fine, especially when you’re at home hanging the first weeks anyway. After six weeks or so, if you want something more shapely, I’d suggest an inexpensive bra like the Mother Maternity Underwire Nursing Bra, since nursing bras will get milk and spit-up on them. I actually ended up wearing nursing tanks most of the time (see below).
Nighttime: Bravado Designs Nursing Sleep Bra - As someone who had never worn a bra to bed in my life, I was very confused why friends recommended a sleep nursing bra. But they were right. Nighttime bras keep your nursing pads in place (see “nursing pads” below) to keep overnight leakage in check. This comfy sleep bra can easily be pulled down or to the side for nursing.
Sports bras: Kindred Bravely Nursing Sports Bra, Brooks Juno Sports Bra, or Milx Nursing & Pumping Sports Bra - I didn’t invest in nursing sports bras last time, which was fine (I just pulled up my regular sports bra when I needed to nurse) except for the fact that my pre-pregnancy sports bras were a little tight and not supportive enough for my larger chest. Friends have recommended the first two: Kindred Bravely for low impact and Brooks for high impact sports. The Milx bra, while a splurge, is a nursing and pumping-friendly sports bra, so you get more out of it.
Nursing tanks: Bravado Basics Maternity & Nursing Cami or Fafami Cotton Nursing Tank Top - I found the best and most inconspicuous way to dress for nursing was to wear a nursing tank under a top, and simply pull up your top and pull down one side of your nursing tank. That way, you’re still covered up but it’s super easy for you and baby, no special “nursing-friendly tops” or nursing cover acrobatics needed! The Bravado cami is my favorite—it can be used for nursing and worn during pregnancy (it’s long and stretchy), plus its padding is supportive and shapely enough to replace a bra for me.
Pumping bra/tank: Pump&Nurse Seamless Nursing and Pumping Cami - Much to my surprise, a breast pump doesn’t suction to you. While you can configure other ways to hold the flanges in place (cut holes in an old sports bra) I’d say just save yourself the trouble and get a pumping bra or tank, especially if you’ll be pumping even once a day. I wore this tank all.the.time because I could easily pump or nurse in it—much more wearable than other pumping bras, in my opinion!
Nursing cover: Copper Pearl Nursing & Car Seat Cover - This was convenient since I always had it with me, as I used it to cover Lucy’s car seat. But I felt it was not necessary as a nursing accessory—it was kind of hard for me to figure out at first and Lucy didn’t like being underneath as she got older. You can easily use a cotton muslin blanket (big, lightweight, breathable and double as burp cloths) draped over your shoulder. Again, I mostly just preferred the nursing tank pull-up/pull-down method rather than a fancy nursing cover.
Pajamas: I was gifted a long sleeve nursing nightshirt (here’s a less expensive version) with Lucy which I loved! For this baby I’d love some short-sleeve Lake pajamas (which have snaps) since it’ll be summer this time. However, it’s not necessary to buy specific pajamas since you can just pull up your pajama top super easily. However, it is helpful for middle-of-the-night feedings to have something that buttons, snaps, or zips down at the chest.
Nursing-friendly dresses: ASOS Maternity denim shirt dress - Most dresses are hard to nurse with, but dresses with buttons down the front (Boden has a ton of options), hidden zippers on the side, or tie shoulder straps are functional for nursing. Otherwise, you have to stick to tops/bottoms, or you’ll have to pull up or down your entire dress in order to be able to nurse/pump (been there…). I’ve linked some of my favorites below, but my denim one from ASOS is the chart-topper: maternity and nursing-friendly, cute, and affordable! (I have it and love it!)
Essentials
Nursing pads: Bamboobies reusable nursing pads or Lansinoh disposable nursing pads - I used both, usually the reusable ones at night and the disposable ones during the day. Early on, you leak between feedings so the nursing pads ensure that your bras don’t get wet (and thus prevent breast infections). The Bamboobies pack includes overnight and daytime pads—the overnight ones are just thicker as more time passes between feedings than during the day, so you may need more leakage protection.
Lansinoh Gel Cooling Nursing Pads - These are not an essential but are so nice to have in the first few days of breastfeeding as your nipples can become sore or cracked.
Nipple cream: Motherlove nipple cream or Lansinoh Lanolin cream - Rub this on your nipples after every nursing session to ensure your nipples don’t get cracked, dry, or infected. You don’t have to wash it off before nursing as both are non-toxic and safe for the baby to ingest. (You shouldn’t need this in your hospital bag as the hospital gave me Lansinoh, but definitely have some ready to go at home!)
Nursing pillow: Brest Friend Nursing Pillow - If you plan to breastfeed, I highly recommend registering for this nursing “pillow” (it’s more like a shelf that attaches to you!) rather than the Boppy, which I had originally and it just didn’t fit me right. After a ton of back pain and frustration, I decided to get the Brest Friend, which buckles around your torso and is much more firm than the Boppy, so it really helps hold up the baby so your back and arms don’t get so tired.
Haakaa - This gadget was also recommended by several mom friends. It easily suctions to one breast while you’re nursing on the other so it catches your letdown. It’s a great way to build up a small stash of breast milk for baby. (To be clear: This is not a breast pump or replacement for one!)
Water bottle - You get so thirsty while breastfeeding, so having a water bottle that only requires one hand to drink (with a spout or straw) is a must. I filled it up after every nursing session so I made sure it was full for the next time I needed it.
Snacks - Breastfeeding moms burn a lot of calories and can get ravenous suddenly and often. Having easy snacks like trail mix packs, healthy bars, and apple or orange slices available throughout your home is really helpful (see below about “nursing stations”). A friend brought me a few dozen homemade energy bites as a “postpartum care package” which was a great gift. I ended up making them myself to have on-hand (and you can easily add Brewer’s Yeast to make them into lactation bites, too).
Nursing stations: It is so very helpful to have little boxes or baskets anywhere you nurse around the house filled with your nursing essentials—snacks, nipple cream, nursing pads, chapstick and a burp cloth. At least one upstairs and one downstairs is a must.
Pumping
Breast pump: Spectra S2 - Several friends told me they used the Medela pump with their first child and Spectra with their second and they much preferred the Spectra, so that was reason enough for me. **Most insurances cover breast pumps, and Byram Healthcares’s website couldn’t make it any easier to order yours through your insurance!** My one tip is to figure out how to use it before the first time you need to pump to save yourself a lot of tears and stress (been there, too). (See note above in “clothing” on pumping bra/tank)
Milk storage bags/containers: Medela Breast Milk Storage Bags or Medela Breast Milk Storage Bottles - If you are going to have a lot of milk saved up or have a small freezer, I would suggest storage bags, as they are more compact. But if not, storage bottles work fine for milk in the fridge or freezer. You can also get storage bottles that are compatible with your pump so you can pump right into them rather than transferring the milk from pump to storage bottle each time (these supposedly are compatible with the Spectra S2 pump; however, I just transferred pumped milk into the Medela storage bottles or glass jars).
Pump parts sanitizing bag: Medela Quick Clean Micro-Steam Bags - Cleaning pump parts is a pain, but *you can leave the pump parts in the fridge for about three days!* A friend told me this and it literally saved my sanity as I was pumping all the time. But after you do clean the pump parts with soap and water, these micro-steam bags make it fast and easy to sanitize them. One bag can be used 20 times, and there are 12 bags in a pack.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mamas out there! This is the kind of post I wish I’d had when I was a new mom, so please pass it on to new or expectant mamas. May this post remind us all to reach out to postpartum and breastfeeding moms to see how they’re doing or offer our support in whatever way we can. I’m also sending extra love, peace, and prayers for those whom this holiday is hard—women suffering infertility or miscarriage, moms who’ve lost children, children who’ve lost moms, and for those with strained relationships with their moms.
Professional photos: By Haley Rose
