Guest Post: Marriage is Not for Me

I often read content on my favorite magazine Verily or on other blogs that inspires me to write a post on With A Little Grace (cue Jenny's Valentine's Day post last week). Then, there is my cousins' blog, Castle, which inspired me to start my own journal in the first place! In fact, their blog is so inspiring, the priest that married Anthony and me even made it the central theme of his homily at our Nuptial Mass—and he had never even met Emily or Caroline! So, when I read a fantastic post by Emily about what it means to marry in the Catholic Church last week that was inspired by her sister and co-author's upcoming wedding, I had to share it. Below, Emily, a high school theology teacher, highlights how the intent of a Sacramental Marriage is for spouses to be self-giving—to lead each other to heaven—as I elaborated in my recent post about my husband, Anthony.

Thank you again to Emily and Caroline for letting me share your work on With A Little Grace! (It is only fitting that I share this post on the day Caroline comes to visit me!) For readers looking for more faith content, be sure to check out Caroline and Emily's Catholic blog, Castle.

Emily, left, and Caroline, right, dancing with me at my wedding. Don't let their looks fool you—they are actually sisters!

Emily, left, and Caroline, right, dancing with me at my wedding. Don't let their looks fool you—they are actually sisters!

 

I know what you are thinking. She doesn’t ever want to get married? Is she becoming a nun? Didn’t her sister just get engaged? Is this blog actually Catholic? Is she seriously posting this on VALENTINE’S DAY?? Hold up. Just hear me out.

Saturday, I went wedding dress shopping with Caroline. Sunday, we celebrated World Marriage Day. Today is Valentine’s Day! And to cap it off, tomorrow I am teaching a lesson on marriage to my juniors. And the first thing I will tell them is this:

Marriage is not for you.

Why? Because I am trying to talk them out of this institution? Because I have crossed to “the Dark side” in Star Wars language, and joined the forces of our culture that see marriage as unnecessary or simply a lifestyle choice? No. Because I think the most important thing we can tell teenagers about marriage is that it is actually not meant for them – it is meant to be a gift to others, most especially their spouses and children. Cue Catechism:

Two other sacraments, Holy Orders and Matrimony, are directed towards the salvation of others; if they contribute as well to personal salvation, it is through service to others that they do so. (CCC 1534)

Wooaa. My marriage is for other people?? If marriage contributes to my salvation it’s kind of a bonus?? How incredible! This institution that is such a big part of our culture is really not about us at all! Think of all the questions we get about marriage…“who do YOU want to marry?” when do YOU want to get married? How many kids do YOU want to have? – Often we get this idea that marriage is for me; it’s purpose is to increase my happiness.

Especially around Valentine’s Day, we are flooded with this idea of a romantic, warm-fuzzy love that elicits a reaction similar to seeing a commercial with a puppy in it. We see all of these romantic gestures, songs, and sweets that focus so much on what we GET from the relationship, the emotional satisfaction, companionship, and physical pleasure it gives us. While these are all good things, I think it’s important to call to our attention that real love – the kind that sustains a marriage – is not always warm and fuzzy. In fact, it requires a choice to love even when I do not feel like it. And that’s not a bad thing! Far from it. In fact, making a gift of ourselves, choosing to give our love freely even when it requires sacrifice and suffering, is the most beautiful and inspiring type of love there is. It’s what we’re made for. It’s what each of us desires and what each of us deserves as God’s beloved children. This is the meaning of life: to give it away. If you question this beauty, look at the cross. The love of Jesus is the most beautiful love story there is, and he wants that love for each of us. Marriage is the witness to that union he so desperately desires with us.

Marriage is not for me, but hopefully one day it will be a gift from me, to the man that I love, and to the world.

 

I hope you enjoyed this post by Emily, inspired by her co-author, Caroline! Be sure to check out their blog for more faith musings.

with a little grace,

          Kelsey

What Does It Mean to Love Our Bodies?

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, the barre studio I work for, The Barre Code, is doing a week-long national campaign about loving our bodies. (I should distinguish, here, a barre studio from a bar that serves liquor—my husband loves to make jokes about me spending all my time at the "bar." Put simply, a barre workout is a strength-training workout that centers around a ballet barre.) Their campaign, #BarreCodeLove, encourages women to draw a heart on a body part that they love or one that needs a little more love. As I thought about which body part I wanted to draw my heart on, I mentally catalogued every body part, judging its "worthiness" of my heart—of my love: Chest? Too small... Arms? Not toned enough... Stomach? Too soft... Legs? Too big. It seemed as though every body part needed "a little more love," as the campaign suggests, but no body part was already worthy of my love. 

At this point, I sat back. Seriously? I like my body, in general. I don't have a negative body-image or sense of self. Yet, I struggled to pick a body part that I could publicly declare my love for, but I could immediately identify the body part that has always needed more love (my thighs). Knowing what we all know about fat talk and body-image struggles among girls and women, I was not surprised that I could easily pick the body part that—to put it nicely—needs more love. But why was I struggling so much to pick a body part that I could definitively say I love? 

After some reflection, I realized how I defined this so-called "love" of my body. I wasn't looking for which body part I loved, I was looking for which body part was perfect—which body part looked the most like what I see in the media. I was judging it based on what I thought it should look like, and how close—or far—each body part was to that standard. But that isn't love. That is judgment and comparison.

 

Just as God doesn't wait to love us until we are perfect (we never will be!) we can't wait to love our bodies until they reach some arbitrary standard. I will never be worthy of God's divine love, yet that doesn't stop Him from loving me right where I'm at. Likewise, regardless of the state of our ever-evolving bodies, we can love them for where they're at right now. 

The whole point of the campaign isn’t to show off “perfect” figures—that only promotes comparison—but rather to love the chosen body part where it’s at, for what it does, not for what it looks like. Love is to look at my thighs—that will never be confused for hot dogs, that always made me feel awkward in swimsuits—and thank them for supporting my life-long love affair with field hockey, for being able to take a running tour of Chicago, for being the perfect fit for those J.Crew boyfriend jeans I found on sale in only one size, for keeping up with my husband's killer dance moves, and so much more. The more I practice appreciation towards my body, the less room there is for deprecation. 

It's easy for me to sit at my computer and write, encouraging all my readers to love their bodies. It's easy for me teach a barre class, encouraging all my clients to treat their bodies with kindness. Because I mean it. But it's hard to un-learn the habits we grew up with and the messages we are inundated with today. The negative ways we view or feel about our bodies can change, though, no matter what they look like. But only we hold the power to change the narrative around our own bodies. We must not confuse love with perfection. Love is accepting the whole picture, imperfections, beauty, and all.

Marriage Monday: A Holy Husband

“I'd only give one piece of advice to anyone marrying. We're all quite similar in the end. We all get old and tell the same tales too many times. But try and marry someone kind. And this is a kind man with a good heart.” The first time I heard this in the movie About Time, I teared up and squeezed my then-boyfriend’s hand, avoiding the bucket of buttery popcorn that sat on the armrest between us. On Saturday, I watched About Time for the umpteenth time and whispered my favorite line with teary eyes, as I glanced over at my now-husband. After just a year and a half of marriage, I couldn’t agree more with the character's words. And you won’t find a kinder man with a better heart than my husband, Anthony. The goodness of Anthony’s heart is infinite; he is not only kind, but generous, respectful, gentle, hilarious, courageous, forgiving, loyal, and faith-filled. He is truly a holy man—a holy husband.

So what exactly constitutes a holy husband? Well, this one selflessly plays many roles: daily coffee and smoothie maker, the subject to “Trainer K’s” workouts, my marathon cheerleader and number one field hockey fan, therapist to a therapist-in-training, budget keeper, photographer/IT/editor/investor for With A Little Grace, finder of my chronically misplaced phone/keys/wallet, vacation planner, my prayer buddy, sweet treat tester, and my true north, among many more. Despite his many hats, Anthony plays one role that easily surpasses the rest: he is the one who I am striving toward eternity with. Through the sacrament of marriage, we believe that it is our responsibility to lead each other to heaven. This is a sacramental marriage. 

In the Catholic Church, we believe that our chosen vocation—married life, single life, religious life, or ordained life—is the way through which we best experience God’s love. For Anthony and me, this means that we experience God’s love in our lives through each other. He is the conduit of God’s love for me; the major vessel through which God’s love flows to me. But what does this look like in practice?

We have all heard that God loves us unconditionally. He knows us so completely—our deepest, most painful wounds and our most shameful moments, as well as the tenderness and beauty of our hearts and our most joyful moments—and loves us knowing all of that. In a similar way, Anthony knows my innermost longings, dreams, and hurts. He’s seen me at my worst, when I’ve let the devil get the better of me. He has literally seen the good, the bad, and the ugly in me and loves me so deeply through it all, not in spite of it all. This is what it is like to experience God’s love incarnate. If we step aside and think about this, this is a big responsibility. It takes patience, forgiveness, vulnerability, and grace to love someone in the moment when most people would rather punch them in the face. But Anthony takes on this responsibility, this promise, this vocation in a way that is only explained by holiness.

Being the recipient of this kind of love, I’ve come to one conclusion: if an imperfect human can love me this deeply and unconditionally, how much greater can our perfect God love me? So, this sacramental marriage does its job—leading me to deepen my relationship with Jesus and to strive for holiness. While I won’t pretend to be an expert on exactly what that looks like, I learn from the everyday ups and downs, through Anthony’s patience and forgiveness. So, it only seemed fitting to postpone a “Marriage Monday” post for today, on my holy husband’s birthday. Happy birthday, Love! I love you.

 

With a little grace,

                Kelsey

Layering Leopard & Mad for Plaid this Christmas

 
 

One of my favorite things to do every Christmas (and every time we're together) is flip through J.Crew catalogues with my mom and sisters. Just like a hard copy of a book in the age of Kindles, there's just something about thumbing through a tangible catalogue instead of endlessly scrolling through Pinterest for fashion inspiration. We all sit at the kitchen counter, or snuggle up on the couch, and crowd around the iconic catalogue, as we ooh and ahh, pointing out our favorites.

Over the years, J.Crew has moved away from a "matchy matchy" preppy style to more color-blocking and mixing patterns. I have seen models wearing outfits that I never would have thought to put together, or a piece I would have never picked out until admiring how the model wore it. Reading the J.Crew catalogue became more than a shared wish list for my mom and her girls, but rather motivation to try new clothing combinations. 

Following my incredibly stylish and elegant mother's lead, I began to see leopard print as a neutral rather than a print. It could be paired with any color, or even any other pattern. Likewise, I began to see new ways to wear old classics, pieces which I've owned for years, which never seem to go out of style. And best of all, I began to learn the art of layering—a trick which makes outfits instantly more interesting and re-workable (as I did in these two outfits).

Layering makes getting dressed easy. Just put together a winning combination on top (like this chambray shirt, leopard sweater, and red vest) and simply change up the bottom (or vice versa), throw on a coat, or add accessories. No one will notice that half of your outfit is the same (and if they do, they'll probably applaud you for the change-up!).

 

style tips:

While the Christmas season is a perfect time to wear pops of red and every variation of plaid, these combinations can be worn throughout the winter months. Dare to work a little leopard print into your holiday outfits this year, too, rather than save it for other times of year or events. Don't forget that leopard can be worn as a neutral, so it will work with bright colors and paired with other prints, like these plaids. Finally—layer, layer, layer! Oh, and of course, a red lip to finish out the look.

* All photos courtesy of Catherine Spitzer Photography * 

With a little grace,

                    Kelsey

Choosing the Joy of Jesus this Christmas

There is one dinner at T.G.I. Friday that I will never forget. It wasn't because I had an exceptionally good meal (I don't even remember what I ordered). It wasn't because my entire immediate family was there (although with so many of us that is increasingly rare). And it wasn't because it was the only time I've been there (though truth be told, we are much more of a Chili's family). It was because it was Christmas Day.

Although my siblings and I laugh about it now, at the time I remember thinking, What are we doing here? We're supposed to be cozied around a fire or decorating Christmas cookies or gathering with cousins and grandparents.

This time of year, nearly every commercial involves loved ones greeting each other with warm hugs, beaming smiles, bearing neatly-wrapped gifts, amidst glowing lights and cheery music. Seemingly every Christmas song exclaims this is the most wonderful time of the year, and paints a picture-perfect scene of building snowmen or chestnuts roasting by an open fire (but come on, who has ever roasted chestnuts?). Between the highlight reels of our Facebook feeds, as well as our own holiday traditions, Christmas comes with a lot of expectations, to say the least. The day is supposed to be perfect. If there is no room for a perfectly decent place like T.G.I. Friday on Christmas, there certainly is no room for sadness or suffering, it seems. 

We often subscribe to these holly jolly Christmas ideals—that the day (and season) should be a "sugar plum" day with only smiles, laughter, and the smell of pine wafting through the air. We feel we should put the sad, painful, or uglier parts of our lives on hold. But this isn't real life. Suffering and sorrow are not neatly compartmentalized away from the joy of our every day lives. 

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Fr. Mike Schmitz reminds us how even each of the joyful mysteries of the Holy Rosary were touched by pain, sadness, and uncertainty. Even these five scenes from the first Christmas and Jesus' childhood—which we believe to be such a joyful time, before the pain and betrayal associated with Christ's death set in—had their darker moments. Think of the Annunciation, when the angel Gabriel appeared to Mary revealing the Good News, that she "will bear a son, and name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High" (Luke 1:31-32). What good tidings of great joy! Yet we cannot even imagine the fear and uncertainty Mary felt at this joyful moment, the suffering and humiliation she would endure for being pregnant before Joseph married her, or the pain of the ride to Bethlehem. Similarly, Jesus' birth literally brought joy to the world—the Savior had finally come! This nativity scene is often described as a "silent and holy night," depicted in Christmas programs by adorable preschoolers singing Christmas carols. Yet Jesus was born literally among animals, into destitution, to a family with nowhere to live. Shortly after Jesus' birth, the Holy Family had to flee the country because King Herod was trying to kill Him. I can only imagine Joseph and Mary, in all their holiness, wondering what the rest of Jesus' life would be like if His birth brought this much fear and pain.

Clearly, the first Christmas wasn't the Hallmark holiday we try to mold our Christmas Day into. The events of Jesus' birth were riddled with uncertainty and sorrow almost as much as they were filled with joy.

Jesus, the Savior of the world, was not only born for the joy. Jesus was also born for the sadness, the pain, and the uncertainty. He was not only born for the lavish family feasts, the exchange of presents, the cousin picture taken by the ornate Christmas tree, or the time Grandpa painted his face like a tiger on Christmas. He was also born for the Christmas dinner at T.G.I. Friday, the time your Secret Santa took back his present, the screaming baby cousins crying throughout the picture attempts, and the first Christmas without Grandpa. Jesus was born for the Christmases to remember and the ones you will never forget, no matter how hard you try. He was born for your pain, your sadness, your uncertainty, your brokenness. He was born for the part of you that you love just as much as He was born for and the part of you that you hate. Jesus came into our imperfect world of broken souls to heal the part of you hidden in shame or pain. The part of you that you try to hide from the world, pushed down where no one can see. He was born for every part of you—the good, the bad, the ugly—and He died for it, too.

So this year, let go of your inner Clark Griswold, clenching unceasingly to the ideal of a perfect family Christmas. Instead of glossing over the pain, sadness, and uncertainty, let Jesus come into your real life. Let Him come into the part of your life you Instagram about, and the part that you intentionally don't. When we allow Him to come into our imperfect Christmases and our broken hearts, then we can find what it means to have a truly joyful, merry Christmas—even if you find yourself at T.G.I. Friday.

 

With a little grace,

               Kelsey             

A Gift Guide for Every Love Language

If you're like me, you struggle to find a gift for your loved ones that is personal, thoughtful, and won't break the bank. I often fail to find just one of those qualities in all my gifts. One really useful tip in gift giving is to consider the gift recipient's love language. This applies for all loved ones, not just spouses or significant others! (If you're unfamiliar with the five love languages, you can read a brief description of each here or learn from author Gary Chapman.) People often show love the way they prefer to receive it, so pay attention to that special someone's actions for clues to what their love language is. A gift specific to someone's love language is sure to be treasured. So, instead of running out to all the Black Friday sales today, consider this holiday twist: a gift guide for every love language.

Words of Affirmation

This may be the friend who writes the note that nearly brings you to tears, or the one who saves all her favorite texts. For this person, actions don't necessarily speak louder than words. 

  •  A canvas imprinted with names, locations, dates, or quotes unique to your gift recipient. My mom gave me this personalized canvas as a bridal shower gift, imprinted with my husband and my names, wedding date, and the places special to us.
  • A printed and framed meaningful quote or prayer like this one from Dilly Dalian
  • As a words of affirmation person, I can attest to the power of a thoughtful, handwritten note, especially in this digital age when notes and snail mail seem obsolete. Try one of these personalized notecards.
  • Write their favorite song lyrics or your favorite qualities about them on the matte of a framed photo 
  • Wooden coasters, cutting board, or plaque engraved with a monogram, coordinates, or a personalized phrase. I got a friend this wooden cutting board engraved with her cooking book's name on it.
  • A beloved or meaningful book (I'm eyeing the Magnolia Story by Chip and Joanna Gaines!)

Quality Time

This may be the person who would rather go to dinner or a movie with you than receive material possessions. This person may feel especially insulted by your lack of attention when he or she is talking and you are scrolling through your phone. Your presence is this person's present. 

  • Tickets to a concert, sporting event, or movie together (being together is the point here!)
  • Taking them out to brunch, dinner, drinks, or ice cream at a favorite or special spot (and a cute camera to document all your fun together)
  • Try a new activity together, such as rock climbing or ice skating
  • A weekend retreat, camping, road trip, renting an airbnb, or a staycation with a spouse or sibling(s)
  • A redeemable "coupon" to spend a day at a museum, aquarium, planetarium, or tour around your city (Anthony and I play "hooky" at least once a year to do touristy Chicago activities)
  • An airline gift card for someone in a long distance relationship or to visit each other—even $50 can do some damage at Southwest! (My favorite gift last Christmas was Anthony surprising me with a ticket to see my cousin Caroline!)

Physical Touch

This may be the significant other who likes to hold hands no matter where you are, or the sibling who always loves to have their head scratched. The appropriate touch is very meaningful to this person.

  • A gift certificate to get a massage (there are so many Groupon deals!)
  • A gift certificate (or a DIY) manicure or pedicure for your mom, sister, or significant other (again, check Groupon)
  • Gift them a yoga or barre class (bonus if you go with) or a yoga video specific to their needs. My sister-in-love gave me a yoga video for hip and IT issues while I was marathon training that I could redeem at any time—so perfect!
  • Get them geared up for those yoga and barre classes with some cute active wear
  • Help them stay warm in the cold winter months with cozy yet fashionable gear. I am obsessing over these adorable slippers and these holiday-themed lounge pants from Aerie.
  • Some grown-up bubble bath will encourage them to treat themselves to some feel-good R&R

Acts of Service

This may be that friend who was so willing to help you move or will run errands for you at any time. This may be that sibling who is always so willing to do the dishes or fold the laundry to show their love for the family. This person isn't just "nice"—doing deeds is how they show their love to others. . . and how they best receive love too.

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  • For the one who never stops doing things for others, gift her with a beautiful, hand-crafted planner. This one includes a liturgical calendar, Mass readings, prayer reminders, and saints of the month in addition to all the normal planner needs—perfect for the Catholic woman in your life!
  • A personalized photo calendar so she can keep track of all her happenings and acts of service
  • For the girl always on the go, she needs a pair of comfortable yet chic shoes. I'm drooling over these from the New Balance + J.Crew collaboration and I know she will too.
  • For the one who is always doing things for others, take one thing off their list and gift them a food subscription so they don't have to worry about grocery shopping for a week (or more). I enjoyed the recipes and ingredients sent via HelloFresh.
  • For the woman who is always smiling while assisting others, give her one (or a handful) of these potent and lasting lipsticks to swipe on her smile (at $5 a tube, you can gift her every shade)

Gifts

This may be the person who always manages to find you the perfect gift for every occasion (and often they send gifts for no apparent reason or precisely in time for the occasion). The perfect gift, in my opinion, is something a person will love (as in, it fits their personality and living/activity style) but is not necessarily something they need. Think of it this way, the perfect gift is something they will use (and not as a re-gift) but wouldn't necessarily buy for themselves.

  • Photo albums from Blurb or Artifact Uprising (this one is Instagram-friendy!) for recent special events. We gave both sets of parents photo albums from our wedding last Christmas and they loved them! My sisters also got me a photo album of my bridal shower and bachelorette party photos which I cherish!
  • A pricier and sleek water bottle is not something one usually will spend money on for themselves, but makes for a great gift (I can attest—my aunt just gave me one for my birthday!). S'well bottles keep liquids cold for 24 hours and hot for 12 (perfect for the coffee lover in your life). To say I'm obsessed is an understatement (I have the rose gold but love the marble, or navy for a guy in your life)
  • My mom, sisters, and I all have these faux-pearls and they take every outfit up a notch. For the fashionista on your Christmas list, these are a no-brainer.
  • For the wine connoisseur or coffee snob, try sending a monthly wine or coffee subscription 
  • Another gift that keeps on giving: a magazine subscription! You have the chance to get personal on something they wouldn't necessarily buy for themselves (that's the nature of most magazines). I recommend InStyle for the stylish woman any age, the Magnolia Journal for home decor folk, and HGTV Magazine for home improvement lovers.
  • A decadent scented candle (the Balsam & Cedar one is perfect for Christmas) or a perfume/cologne in a meaningful scent are both luxuries

Instead of running out to catch all the Black Friday deals, I hope you spend a little more time with your loved ones to get to know their love languages better. Then you can score the real deal—to know which gifts will speak right to their hearts.

 

With a little grace,

               Kelsey

Six Pointers for Adjusting to the Working World

Photo by Katie Koosmann

Photo by Katie Koosmann

A few months ago, I had just wistfully left my first "real world" job to go to graduate school. Though I was thrilled to finally be embarking on a journey toward the career I truly feel called to, I was sad to leave the camaraderie of my office and the routine I had grown to love—even though my job was no longer relevant to my career of choice. Had you told me I would have felt this way eighteen months earlier, I would not have believed you. Only a few weeks after starting my job, I was exhausted, lonely, unmotivated, didn't feel valued, and missed the flexibility of a school schedule. Yet, just a year and a half later, I left that same job with a much different outlook. Here are some points I learned that can empower you to enjoy the real world and your work environment—whether you're working your dream job, a college internship, or a job that feels far from your passion.

The first week (or month) on the job, you will feel exhausted. You will adapt.

Entering the working world is intimidating, but more importantly, exhausting. Despite the fact that I had been a student-athlete who often burned the candle at both ends, somehow just sitting and standing for nine hours straight at work left me feeling mentally and physically exhausted. I would come home from work feeling unable to do anything other than eat, wedding plan, and watch TV in a stupor, before hitting the sack by 9pm. It was the crazy life of a millennial living in the city! I felt in awe of working parents who came home to take care of their children, let alone take care of themselves. How to accomplish anything other than cooking dinner and eating was beyond me. By the time I left my job, however, I had created a routine that rivaled my productivity as an undergrad. Yet I was getting more sleep, eating better, and overall living a more balanced life than I had in college. Friends of mine nod knowingly when discussing this strangely exhausting transition to the nine-to-five life; in fact, the overwhelming feeling it provokes is a rite of passage. Though it seems impossible at first, your body and mind will adapt to the new way of life that seems to sap your energy initially.

Just because you don't love your job at first, doesn't mean you never will

Being the new kid on the block (or at the office) is hard. You’re not “in” with the office crowd, you have to prove yourself professionally (and socially), there is so much about the office culture you don’t know, you have a thousand questions about your daily tasks, you feel as though you can’t relax… the list goes on. On top of all that, you might not be in love with your job. Maybe that was the best you could do, or in my case, the only job I could get at the time. While I never ended up loving my office duties, I looked forward to work and being in the office for the social benefits. The team I was a part of began to remind me of my collegiate field hockey team in how we functioned (at a high level) and the fun we had together (lots of joking around, eating out, and knowing the ins and outs of their everyday lives). Seemingly overnight, a job that seemed blasé turned not just decent, but actually enjoyable. How did this transformation happen? Read on...

Photo by Katie Koosmann

Photo by Katie Koosmann

Act like you’re going to be there forever

This piece of advice was given to me by my dear friend Erin. Since millennials tend to job hop much more than previous generations, working a job you're not crazy about can naturally lead to thoughts about potential jobs where the grass is greener. Maybe such a job is one you have to take in order to get to the next level (i.e. residency) and you are already looking past it, counting it out. While it’s not bad at all to plan for the future, this non-committal mindset can prevent you from being your best self. To do this, you have to commit 100%, acting as if you will be at this job forever even if you know you won’t. By jumping in with both feet, you will add value to the company sooner, allowing you to grow roots, make friends, see how you can improve the company, and perform at a high level—all things that contribute to job satisfaction and overall happiness. By doing this, your co-workers and boss gain respect and appreciation for you (and you for them). Additionally, you will get more out of your job (however unfulfilling it is) and it may even open up more exciting opportunities both inside and outside of your current job.

Don't be afraid to make friends

While this sounds obvious, I actually entered my job assuming I wouldn't form real friendships. I knew I would not be there more than two years, and so I assumed I would have professional relationships that didn't extend beyond the office. Relating to my previous point, my short-term mindset limited me. I realized that I could make my tolerable experience actually enjoyable if I engaged more intentionally in work relationships. This doesn’t just mean being cordial or polite to your co-workers. Really take the time to get to know them, to learn about what they do and who they are outside the office. To solidify friendships, it helps to do an activity outside of the office together. Grab drinks after work, go to a concert, go shopping, or even take a workout class together (I’m looking at you, Kylie!). And don’t just stick to things that the boss or company requires. The real growth in friendships comes from choosing to spend time with your co-workers in a new context.

That being said, avoid cliques and don't whisper

Is this starting to sound like a middle school survival guide? Well, the same dynamics that plague middle schoolers, often follow us throughout our lives, we just get better at hiding it. While having a “work wife” is fun, change up who you sit with at lunch, who you carpool to the office party with, etc. Even without malicious intentions, unnecessary drama can stir up from two people being overly-exclusive. On that note, restrain from whispering with other co-workers at the office. It doesn't matter if it’s about your favorite TV show or your personal business at home, when two or more people stand in a cubicle and talk at a level inaudible to anyone else, ears perk up. People often speculate—even irrationally—they might be the topic of conversation, which only perpetuates more unnecessary drama. Talk openly or take your small talk somewhere else.

Be understanding of yourself and others

In an environment where we are all trying to climb the corporate ladder or get a promotion, it can be easy to defend your mistakes or point out a co-worker’s misstep. Obviously, certain actions need to be reported and deserve consequences, but there is certainly a line in the sand there. Accept the fact that everyone will make mistakes, including you. Everyone will look at her phone from time to time, go on a non-work-related website (sorry, Jcrew was having 50% off), or simply make a well-meaning error on the job. Be patient with your own mistakes as you learn your new roles, but own up to those moments that you messed up so that you don't let someone else take the fall. If there is one thing every co-worker can appreciate it’s a person who can own up to their faults and take responsibility for their actions. Not only will your co-workers respect you more for your honesty, but you will learn from your mistake. That being said, realize that the same goes for your co-workers' mistakes. Refrain from quickly pointing out others' errors, but rather, use such moments as an opportunity to work collaboratively to learn from mistakes. 

 

Remember, be patient with yourself as you adjust to this life, career, and schedule change. Gradually, you will become more competent and confident in your new role and daily life. No matter how menial the job, there are always opportunities to learn lessons you will carry with you moving forward. No matter how glorious the job, there are always opportunities to be humble. And no matter how mechanical the job, there are always opportunities to let your authentic self shine through.

 

With a little grace,

               Kelsey

My Six Running Tips for Race Day

Nearly two weeks ago, I ran my first marathon ever, the Chicago marathon. And it was. . . fun! As one of my friends smirked, "those two words don't belong in the same sentence." Believe me, I never thought I would categorize a marathon as fun. I was a very casual runner prior to this. Marathons seemed like something for two populations: serious runners, and washed-up athletes like me, looking for something to achieve. But the electrifying atmosphere that was the city of Chicago truly made for a 26.2 mile party. Was it hard? Of course. Those last five miles were grueling. The final mile seemed unending. Yet, the good, bad, and the downright ugly (my feet after the race) still made for an experience I would re-live in a pounding, exhausted heartbeat. Based on my race day experience, I've come up with six tips and tricks that can make running any race fun and achievable.

You'd never know this was at mile 22 #fakeittillyoumakeit

You'd never know this was at mile 22 #fakeittillyoumakeit

Some pictures are so terrible but hilarious they have to be shared

Some pictures are so terrible but hilarious they have to be shared

 

Set a goal for yourself

Whether your goal is simply to finish before your big sister in the 4th of July three mile run (I'm lookin' at you, Peter Thompson!) or to qualify for the Boston marathon, having a goal will guide your training and motivate you when your body wants to give up during the race. Goals should be attainable, but not impossible; they should also be challenging, but not guaranteed. For instance, I knew I couldn't run the marathon at an elite pace (sub-6:00 minute miles was not attainable for me) but I speculated if I adhered to a training plan, I might be able to run a Boston qualifying time. Your goals could be finishing your first 5K, 10K, half, or marathon, achieving a certain time or pace, or completing a race without stopping or walking, among many others. Research has shown that just writing down your goal increases your likelihood of achieving it, so put a pen to paper, friend!

 

Put your name on your shirt

Hands down, wearing my name on my shirt was the key to my success—and the reason I had such a blast! With "KELSEY" displayed boldly across my chest, I never went more than a few steps without hearing "GO KELSEY!" "You got this, Kelsey!" "You look so good Kelsey!" "Kelsey, you make this look easy!" and even chanting, "kelsey...Kelsey....KELSEY!"—all from complete strangers! The highlight of these personalized cheers, however, was hearing one of the live bands spontaneously incorporate my name into their song as I ran by.

Each time I heard my name, I couldn't help but smile (well, maybe except for those last few miles), which—bonus!—helps alleviate the physical pain. Putting your name on your shirt (directly or via duct tape) or on your bib will make you feel like your own friends and family are lining the race course.

 

Set some #squadgoals

However, not every race has 1.2 million spectators, so it might be a good idea to have your actual friends and family (#squad) come cheer you on. Based on my predicted pace and the local train stops, my husband made a plan to see me at six different points! He sent out his plan to friends of ours so they could join him or know where and when to spot me! 

For big races like the Chicago marathon, it's a good idea go over which mile-markers, landmarks, and even what side of the street they will be waiting on (i.e. mile 8, by Stan's Donuts, on the west side of the street). For a race that isn't as crowded, it might be nice to be surprised by your loved ones along the way!

 

Trust your training

"How did you calm your pre-race jitters?" one of my friends asked to me afterwards. "Well, I knew I could do it, based on my training. I was still nervous-excited for the race, but I. . . "  "You trusted your training," she finished for me. And that was exactly it. Of course, there is adrenaline before any race, regardless of its size, gravity, or value to you, and that's a good thing! But trusting in the work, hours, and dedication you've put in to prepare for race day can help quell any fears and feelings of inadequacy. Reflect on all your hard work and trust that the training program you stuck to will get you through that 5K, 10K, half, or marathon! The race is your reward for all that training the days your legs were tired, you didn't want to get out of bed, and no one was watching.

 

Have (or find!) a running buddy

A key to being held accountable to your training program or to your pace on race day is to have a running buddy! You're less likely to crawl back into bed when your alarm goes off if you have someone waiting at the corner to run with you. During the race, you and your buddy can motivate each other when the going gets tough, and take turns setting the pace. While I didn't have a buddy to run the entire race with me (though I did have my friend Carol for eight miles + Anthony the last few!) I found one around mile 17. I kept noticing someone, whom I later found out to be a high school senior named Richard, running close by. He asked if he could pace with me, and I said sure. As we entered the most challenging part of the marathon, I relied on him as much as he had relied on me, dropping bits of encouragement to each other, complete strangers. Don't be afraid to introduce yourself and buddy up with someone running your pace, if they don't mind. The extra breath at the moment will be worth it in the long run.

With about half a mile left, Richard sprinted ahead of me to finish. I prayed I would find him among the masses so I could thank him for helping get me to the end. 

 

. . . Thankfully, I did!

 

Pray

Two of the ways I passed the time on my longer training runs was listening to podcasts by Fr. Mike Schmitz, and praying rosaries for certain intentions. On race day, when my legs felt like they were going to fall off at mile 21, I started praying a rosary in my head, imploring Jesus and His mother Mary to help me through the end. Many miles earlier, I had seen a Planned Parenthood along the course, and made a mental note to offer up my impending pain for the lives lost in that building. So on mile 21, I prayed a rosary with that intention. Meditative praying like this can be a way to take the focus off of your aching body. It helps you pass the time while keeper a greater purpose in mind. 

One thing I took away from a Fr. Mike podcast, was the ability to make any period of time—running, resting, driving—a sacrament and a sacrifice. Asking God, "Father, be with me during this time" makes it a sacrament, and telling Him, "Father, I give you this time," makes it a sacrifice to him. So, when you get to the crux of your training or your race, turn to God, and let Him help you through it.

 

No matter what race you're running, or even if you're training for another sport altogether, hopefully these tips make your experience happier and holier. Thank you to everyone who supported me in this marathon by donating to Girls On The Run on my behalf!

With a little grace,

               Kelsey

 

For more running tips, be sure to check out Molly on the Move!

Take Your Black Romper from Day to Night

Well, this is something that I haven't done yet: two consecutive style posts. While this journal wouldn't be "me" if I didn't include the style component, I never intend to stray too long from the heart of the matter: faith, culture, relationships, and families. Nonetheless, the September weather turned quickly here in Chicago, thus urging me to post these photos by the talented Ashley Bernet before the snow is upon us! 

Another trend that has blown up over the past few years are rompers and jumpsuits. While I was specifically in search for a floral romper for a long time, the only two rompers I ended up buying were black rompers. Why? Well, I tend to gravitate towards timeless pieces. Rompers—especially floral ones—aren't exactly timeless (but are nonetheless adorable). And while it's not always about buying sensible pieces, the neutral color helped me work this very trendy piece of clothing into my wardrobe. 

I came to learn, however, that a black romper can be worn like a LBD (little black dress—which every woman should have in her closet), only it's more versatile. More versatile than a simple LBD? Yes. Dressing down a silk black dress for daytime is a little trickier than its silky romper counterpart (though I'm up for the challenge). Let me explain. . . 

Day

At first, I didn't know how to wear this frilly, silky black romper casually, without looking like I was going out. I realized I had to let the other details of my outfit do the explaining. A hat (like my "Pharrell hat" as my sisters call it) instantly dresses down—but adds dimension to—an outfit. Bonus? It covers up your unwashed (x3 days) greasy hair. Simple makeup (i.e. no bold lip—can't believe I just said that) also helps express the informality of the outfit. Add some relatively flat shoes or sandals (animal print is a plus) and a fun pop of color (like my cross-body clutch) and you're ready for class, daytime sightseeing, lunch with a friend, shopping, or a leisurely walk in the park (or jungle). Rawr.

 

Night

If you haven't figured it out yet, the key to changing up your look for day and night is how you accessorize. Take off the hat (might need some dry shampoo for that), switch out your flats for heels (wedges are a more comfortable version) and load on the jewelry. Black clothing acts as a neutral canvas, so feel free to put on the glam bracelets and bangles, fancy watch, and—my favorite—statement earrings. A sleek, black purse or clutch, adds another dimension of dazzle, especially if it has a chain. At this point, the ensemble is glam enough without a bold lip color, but whoever said no to that? (. . . other than my husband.) As I've said before, I view a bold lip more as a part of the outfit (like an accessory) rather than makeup—and this "oxblood" color is huge for fall. It's all about wearing it with confidence. Ooh la la! 

 

So, get out your black romper for a final rendezvous before the snow and ice hit. But nonetheless, these transitional tactics can be applied to a black jumpsuit, LBD, or a black monochromatic ensemble into the winter months!

 

with a little grace,

              Kelsey

*All Photos by Ashley Bernet*

Three Transitional Looks, One Top

As the humidity and warm summer temps finally start to drop, we usually start packing away our summer wardrobe. But not so fast with those off-the-shoulder tops I saw everywhere this summer! I am never one to limit a piece of clothing to one season—what a waste! I styled three looks to save your OTS (off-the-shoulder, obviously) top from getting packed away with the swimsuits and bright colors. 

elegant

Whether you're heading to rooftop cocktails in the city with your girlfriends, a dinner date with your beau, or even a dressy Sunday brunch with the fam, your OTS top will provide just the right amount of sexy while the trousers keep it classy. (And yes, you can wear white after Labor Day—especially this eggshell shade!) Elegant accessories like a beaded clutch, a long strand of pearls, double pearl earrings, and nude heels pull the matured look together—voila! 

  • styling with a little grace: The key to this polished look is keeping both the top and trousers in the neutral color family. Steer clear of brights and bold patterns here, especially when transitioning to fall.

 

back-to-school cool

Want to make an impression this school year without trying too hard? An OTS top paired with fitted boyfriend jeans will do just the trick for class. Think: an update on the simple jeans and tee combo. Classic shades and bold earrings add interest and texture to the ensemble without distracting. And the perfect fall shoe? Blue suede shoes (er, loafers). You can dress them up or down, the color (navy) goes with everything, they're not as summery as sandals or as wintery as boots, and more versatile than flats. Win, win, win, win!

  • styling with a little grace: The key to the finding the perfect pair of boyfriend jeans is to follow the Goldilocks principle: not too tight but not too loose, not too many rips but not too smooth. . . justttt right.

 

savoring summer

Floral shorts—for fall?! Hear me out: you know those September days that still feel like August (um, today)? Paired with an OTS top, floral shorts help you make the most of your last summer days. And remember that scene from The Devil Wears Prada when Meryl Streep sneers, "Florals? For spring? Groundbreaking." Well, Miranda Priestly would be proud of us now for breaking the seasonal spring trend. Florals for fall. It's happening. 

  • styling with a little grace: While we're savoring summer, let's talk sandals. My sandal of choice to carryover into the warm fall days? These bone-colored Jacks. So many varieties, so many ways to wear them. They really go with everything!

 

shop similar styles... 

 

With a little grace,

          Kelsey

 

** All Photos by Ashley Bernet — Thank you so much, Ashley! **

Wedding Planning with Grace

When my now-husband, Anthony, was initially courting me, he made fun of me for my seeming-obsession with weddings. When he saw me run down the street to see a bride outside the church, he laughed and said, "I'm sure you have your whole wedding planned out in boxes under your bed." Well, this was 2011, so magazine cut-outs stored in boxes was a little outdated. But, this was 2011, so having a digital equivalent to his notion was completely accurate. Psh, boxes—where had he been, living under a rock? It’s called Pinterest—keep up, Anthony. So in that sense, boy was he right—cue my (multiple?) wedding Pinterest boards. Simply put, I love weddings, and I loved wedding planning.
 

Looking at all the sweet, smiling brides in wedding photos on Pinterest, you might forget that becoming a bridezilla is a reality for many brides. As soon as the planning process began, I was acutely aware of this potential trap, and did my best to avoid it. That said, I was not perfect. As much as I genuinely enjoyed wedding planning, I had a few unmet expectations and frustrations that inevitably caused some less-than-stellar moments. That’s why I loved when one of my readers asked me to share tips on how to plan a wedding with grace (of course I loved the connection to my journal’s title, too). How to be joyful throughout the planning of such a momentous occasion while still being realistic and productive? Well, read on.

 

Remember, a wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime

Okay I know, I know, this is what my “Marriage Monday” posts are for. But this is also the most important piece of advice to remember as you wedding plan. Anthony and I were overwhelmed with joy and excitement after getting engaged—it was the happiest I have felt second only to our wedding day. Just a day after getting engaged, we headed over to the church to pick a date for the next summer. Everything starts happening so fast! But my parents made a point to give this advice to Anthony and me before we all got carried away: to always keep in mind that a wedding is a day, and a marriage is a lifetime. And what a poignant and beautiful reminder that was. I will forever have the happiest memories of July 3, 2015; truly the best day ever. But now, the wedding cake is gone (yes, even the top tier) and the dust from moving in together has settled. And what are we left with? A beautiful, joyful, sacramental marriage. This doesn’t just happen, this is the result of intentional marriage preparation with our spiritual director, (not just the two hour class required of couples married in the Catholic church), reading books together about marriage and relationships, praying together, discussing the results of our personality tests, and a weekend retreat for engaged couples, among others. For couples without the option to use a priest or minister, premarital counseling with a professional therapist (like me in a few years!) is absolutely a worthwhile cost (and some insurances even cover it). Keeping this vital piece of advice in mind will help you to keep things in perspective when you realize the ink color on your invitations isn’t quite right (tragic).

 

Be mindful of the guest list

When a reader asked me to post about wedding planning with grace, the first thing I thought of was the guest list. Why? Because this was the part that, admittedly, I was not so graceful all the time. While I consciously did my best not to become a bridezilla, the guest list certainly tempted me. Between sticking to a budget, the venue’s physical capacity, and managing different opinions, the guest list was the trickiest part for us. For others, the guest list can bring out harbored family tensions or bring to light broken family relationships. One bride I talked to said 'the kids versus no kids' dilemma was at the forefront of her and her parents’ discussions. Which of your coworkers do you invite? What about your boss? Who gets a plus-one? Whatever the issue may be, the key to maintaining grace is to stay level-headed throughout all of the guest list conversations.

First, have both sets of parents, you, and your fiancé submit their guest lists (be very specific, i.e. don’t say “The Smith Family,” but specify which kids, if any). Count the total distinct guests, and decide if this number is okay or too big (either for budget reasons or the venue’s capacity). If it is too big, time to have a discussion about who doesn’t make the cut. As with all wedding planning dilemmas, don’t raise your voice, roll your eyes, or walk away from the conversation. Actively listen (not just hear) your fiancé, father, mother-in-law, best friend—whoever—and calmly tell them why you agree or disagree. Keep in mind, if you and your fiancé are not paying for all of the wedding, be very respectful of the opinions of those who are paying or contributing financially. The guest list total affects them significantly. 

KelseyAnthony0700.jpg

 

Take time-outs with your fiancé

 
 

At the beginning of our engagement, Anthony and I talked about taking “time-outs” occasionally. We quickly realized the temptation for wedding planning to become stressful, and we didn’t want to fall into that trap. We promised that whenever we started to feel stressed or frustrated, or even when we were just excited, we would step away from what we were doing and take time to pray and take in that moment. Instead of getting caught up in the details, we would memorialize the moment by stating exactly where we were in the wedding planning process (i.e. “We are addressing our save the dates, for our WEDDING!”), as if looking at the moment from the outside. When we removed ourselves from the task, we were able to recognize the gravity of this step (i.e. instead of just stamping envelopes mindlessly, verbalizing the moment rejuvenated us with purpose and excitement that this getting married thing was actually happening). We would also verbalize that we were going to be each other’s husband and wife in just __ months, weeks, days, or hours. We would relish in that wonderful truth, and reflect on how God had blessed us by bringing us each other, and soon, by uniting us in marriage. We prayed in thanksgiving for this fact, and asked to be filled with the Holy Spirit as we continued wedding planning. Even though we were long-distance for some of our engagement, we would call each other to do this when one of us needed it. In essence, each time we took a time-out, we were harboring the excitement that we felt on the day we got engaged: the absolute joy and astonishment that we were actually going to soon be husband and wife.

 

Keep a journal to give to your fiancé

I actually had started writing a journal, and shortly thereafter my aunt sent me a notebook with a letter explaining how she had done this for my uncle. “Keep a journal throughout your engagement to give to Anthony the night before your wedding,” she wrote. Even though I was already doing this, I loved the idea even more because someone whose marriage I so admire had begun this way. I journaled about our wedding planning and marriage preparation milestones, such as picking out my wedding dress and deciding on our Nuptial Mass readings. There were no rules or guidelines; I simply wrote what I wanted Anthony to know or remember from that moment. I include this in the wedding planning tips because this journal furthered my excitement and perspective throughout the process. The journal, which sat next to my bed, reminded me what this chapter of life all about, even when I wasn’t writing. Just looking at that gold, narrow notebook, I would think about Anthony and reflect on how blessed I was to be marrying such a holy, kind, and gentle man.

 

The week before. . . Drop it!

Funny backstory: my sisters and I were never too impressed with wedding cake the way some people LOVE wedding cake (I feel like I'm breaking some wedding-lovers' code by admitting that). So, being the bakers we are, we always said that we would make our the wedding cake at our weddings. Well, when I got engaged, my dad got wind of this idea, and did not support it. Not because it wouldn't save a little money, but because he realized that adding the unnecessary pressure of making my own wedding cake the week of my wedding might not be the best stress-reliever. (Spoiler alert: my uber talented friend and consummate chef, Maureen Abood, offered to make the cake as an incredibly generous gift! It was exactly what my homemade-wedding-cake-dreams were made of.)

Well, my dad was actually on to something. The week of your wedding is chaos. But it will be the best kind of chaos if you navigate it right. As I described to a recent bride, planning a wedding felt like studying for a test in college—it seemed like there was always something more to do. Despite your inner Type A, somehow the wedding is eight days away, and you still have to tie the bows on the menus, fold the programs, arrange the escort cards. . .  While all of that seems crucial to your wedding day vision (ahem, Pinterest!), these are also the details that only you will notice if they don't get done. "Whatever you don't have done a week before the wedding doesn't need to be done. Enjoy the time with family and get enough sleep," my dad wisely cautioned. (Who knew dads knew so much about wedding planning?) If there is one thing that will ruin your efforts to be a graceful bride-to-be faster than you can say "bridezilla," it's a lack of sleep. My dad knew this, and had me on a curfew the whole week (thanks, Dad). Additionally, despite my inner control freak, I asked friends, family, neighbors, and my awesome wedding planner/coordinator to pitch in with the remaining tasks. While I still tied some bows and assembled guest bags that week (sorry, Dad), I didn't wince when some of the guest bags didn't get delivered in time. I found out later that I forgot to put out the framed photos of my parents' and grandparents' wedding day, but guess what? The day was still perfect. So pass-off or tear up your final to-do list, enjoy your company, and get some beauty rest, darling.

Dad knows best!

Dad knows best!

 

With a little grace,

                    Kelsey

 
KelseyAnthony0915.jpg
 

Have some tips on wedding planning with grace that I forgot? Share them below in the comments!

* Photos by Cory Weber *

Beat the Heat: Packing for a Hot Destination

August is here, which means one thing no matter where you are: it's likely to be hot! Although some students are already back-to-school shopping (what!), the summer temperatures and humidity are far from over. If you're headed on a summer vacation abroad, getting in one last weekend trip to the lake, or attending a wedding in the thick of wedding season, your wardrobe can help you manage the weather without sacrificing style—and without overpacking! 

Last summer, my newlywed husband, Anthony, and I traveled to Rome and the Amalfi Coast of Italy for our highly anticipated honeymoon. Anthony, being the romantic gentleman that he is, planned the entire honeymoon on his own, in order to surprise me. (I highly recommend this for engaged couples!) He decided, however, to let me know the location—and only that—of our romantic getaway before the big trip so that I could pack appropriately. And good thing he did—the temperatures were in the 90s the entire trip, and as we were leaving, we were told that we were "lucky to be missing the upcoming heat wave"—scusami?

Regardless if you are going on an exotic vacation in the tropics or if you are taking a weekend road trip to where the temps are equally tropical (ahem, right here in Chicago!), what clothes you pack are key to beat the heat. Take a peek into my suitcase to see what I packed for a couple weeks under the Italian sun.

brights

What better to match the scorching weather than equally hot, bright colors? There certainly is no better time for brights than warm weather, so pull out all the stops! This top, made to be a swim cover-up, was not the only bright piece I packed. You'll notice other bright ensembles in my Italian wardrobe.

 
 

 

swim cover-ups

Perfect for taking your swimsuit from beach to dinner, cover-ups can also double as a shield from the sun when you run out of sunblock on your day-long boat excursion. Not like I am speaking from experience, of course. . .
(Packing a swimsuit goes without saying if you are going to be near a pool, lake, ocean, or even a swimmable pond. Check out this post for one-piece swimsuit ideas.)

 

linen

There is a reason linen is called the "summer fabric" and is sold all over Italy's Amalfi Coast. It looks light and feels lightweight, perfect for hot and humid days. I actually bought this dress in Positano, so of course I had to wear it as soon as possible.

 

dresses

Okay, okay, you caught me. I will find any excuse to wear a dress, but dresses were made for the heat! You get to bare your arms and legs while keeping it breezy (just watch out for those Marilyn moments!) and there is certainly a dress for every occasion. Fancy dinner? Check. Lounging poolside? Check. Playing tourist in the city or sea? Check, check.

I got the headband I'm wearing as a scarf for 2 Euros outside the Vatican because I needed something to cover my legs before I went in. Being the thrifty gal that I am, I noticed it matched this dress and opted to use it to complete this outfit so the dress didn't stand alone.

Thanks to Colleen + Annie for the adorable dress + sunnies, and Erin for the monogrammed bag! You all know a thing or two about style...

Thanks to Colleen + Annie for the adorable dress + sunnies, and Erin for the monogrammed bag! You all know a thing or two about style...

 

accessories

With humidity so thick you could cut it, layering is a death sentence. So shoes, scarfs (that double as headbands or towels), jewelry, sunglasses, and bold lipstick are the best way to make your look a put-together outfit.

_DSC1164.jpg

These retro-esque sunnies and a "little bit of lipstick" take my outfit from functional (hopping on a vespa with my Italian stallion!) to fashionable.

big sister tip: Try to pack accessories that go with multiple pieces, like this red and pink necklace, so you save space but multiply the amount of unique outfits you pack.

Wedges are a great choice for heels in the heat—no sinking into the mud or grass.

 

a wide-brimmed hat

Okay, this accessory is important enough that it made its own category. Wide-brimmed hats are key for protecting your face and neck from the sun if you are going to be outside all day, especially when the sun is most intense (typically between 10am and 3pm). Bonus: These hats are also perfect for the days you want to let that beachy hair from all the time in the sea go an extra day. . . or two . . . or three? 

Donning my hat at the beginning and end of the boat ride: pre- and post-swim and sunburn.

 

 

What are your tips for packing for a sunny vacation? What would you include that I forgot? 

 

With a little grace,

                  Kelsey

 

Marriage Monday: The Freedom of Marriage

As many readers may have noted from my last style post, the Fourth of July is a big holiday in our family—one worth preparing at least four outfits for. So last year, Anthony and I decided to take advantage of our favorite weekend of the year and get married on July 3, 2015. As we approached our first anniversary (that year went fast) I reflected on the joy that marriage has brought to my life. The week before our first anniversary and the Fourth of July, on Sunday, June 26th, the Catholic Mass readings conveniently spoke of freedom, particularly the second reading from Galatians. In his homily that day, Fr. Kevin Feeney reflected on our country's upcoming Independence Day and the meaning of freedom as it relates to the institution colloquially associated with the ol' ball and chain—marriage. With his timely homily and the juxtaposition of our upcoming first anniversary and Independence Day, I pondered the perceived paradox of the freedom of marriage.

Many young adults—spurred on by a culture of relativism, “you do you,” instant gratification, and lack of commitment—intentionally put off marriage in attempt to experience independence. They don’t want to be tied down by marriage, by commitment, by another person. We are trained to equate freedom with selfishness, pursuing our own desires and dreams. Talking with an acquaintance as a junior in college, we stumbled upon the topic of marriage—a heavy topic for people who just had met. Having dated my now husband, Anthony, for two years at that point, and having discerned marriage as our vocation, I expressed my desire and intent to marry Anthony someday soon. A few years my senior, this relative stranger was completely baffled by the idea that I, a millennial in the prime of her social life and sexual potential, would want to “get tied down” with someone. He asked genuinely, “But don’t you want to experience. . . life? Why would you want to get married so soon?” Why would you want to give up your freedom? he seemed to say.

Our independence is not only valued as a nation, but as a society. We pride ourselves in being a democratic nation, but modern society also revels in the idea of sexual freedom, open relationships, or no emotional relationships at all. We find it empowering to be able to date or be in relation with someone but not owe them anything, not to be legally or even emotionally tied to them, to see who cares less if someone walks away, to experience this type of so-called freedom. However, this type of behavior is not actually freeing at all. Contrary to what our culture expresses, this type of behavior confines its participants as slaves of the flesh.

“For you were called for freedom, brothers and sisters. But do not use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh; rather, serve one another through love." (Galatians 5:13)


True freedom, Fr. Feeney noted, involves giving ourselves away. In the vows I made on my wedding day, I gave myself to my husband and in turn, I received him: "I, Kelsey, take you, Anthony, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life." Marriage, the act of complete emotional, physical, and spiritual commitment, is actually the ultimate display of freedom. In giving of myself wholly to my husband, I am free to be myself; moreover, I am free to be who Christ intended me to be. In promising to be there "in good times and in bad" my husband receives me as I am, freeing me of the pressure to be perfect, to put on a good face, or play the game of love right. I am free to be my genuine, weird self around him, to burp loudly (sorry, Dad) and to bare my blemished face. I am not tied down by fear of judgment or insecurities, but rather I am free to be vulnerable with Anthony—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am free to live by the Holy Spirit, not bound by the desires of the flesh: “If you are guided by the Spirit, you are not under the law" (Galations 5:18). If you are guided by the Spirit, St. Paul wrote, you are truly free.

 
Reciting our vows to one another on our wedding day.

Reciting our vows to one another on our wedding day.

 

I came to realize the juxtaposition of our wedding date and the Fourth of July are significant not only because we were able to have our family and friends in our favorite place—Harbor Springs—for both our wedding and the old-time American town's quintessential holiday festivities. But the proximity of the two dates also reflects the close relationship of marriage and freedom. As I heard in those readings on that Sunday in June and as Jesus exemplified so perfectly on the cross, to be truly free we have to give ourselves away, to rise we must first die. In living for someone else, as in the sacrament of marriage, therein lies true freedom.

With a little grace,

              Kelsey

 


Happy first anniversary to the most important person in my life, my husband. Your love has truly given me an unparalleled sense of freedom, self, and encouragement, which has resulted in a new career and the start of this journal. I can't wait to see where our marriage leads us this next year. I love you!

"Be the Best Version of Yourself"

“You realize how selfish you’ve been your whole life once someone else needs you in order to survive,” I heard this the other day, and I am sure it rings true to every parent. Given my significant age gap with Grace, I often feel that I get a glimpse of what it’s like to be a parent. She’s my own flesh and blood, I want to protect her, guide her, and I love her no matter what. But I’ve never had to provide for her in the way parents do. While she looks up to me, she doesn’t rely on me the way she relies on my parents. That quote reminds me of my dad, who has continued to sacrifice and work tirelessly for his children. He is constantly thinking of how he can better his children's lives, and provide for them. 

My dad is a pretty magnificent man. He’s accomplished everything that most people set out to do in all aspects of life. His life is defined by relentless hard work and humility, and the success that he has earned because of that. To say the least, our stellar dad set the bar pretty high for my six siblings and me. Dad certainly expected a lot out of us growing up—in school, on the field, at home, but most importantly, in our character. Dad always encouraged us, “Be the best version of yourself.” Be the best student, athlete, friend, daughter, sister, and person you can possibly be, he seemed to say. Dad didn’t demand perfection, but his constant encouragement to be our best selves (peppered by telling us how proud he was of us) motivated us to be whatever "best" looked like for each of us. When I wasn’t giving my all on the field, when I found myself putting forth a half-hearted effort in class, when I failed to stay true to the morals and values my parents had instilled in me, I could hear his voice, prompting me, be the best version of yourself.

For my wedding, I gifted my parents with three plaques made of Michigan wood, the third reading, "Be the Best Version of Yourself."

For my wedding, I gifted my parents with three plaques made of Michigan wood, the third reading, "Be the Best Version of Yourself."

More than any role in sports or school, Dad was most intent that we be the best versions of ourselves when it came to our character. Comportment was king; personal leadership, integrity, and morality were of utmost importance to Dad. More than any academic or athletic accolades, Dad was most proud of his kids for honors that reflected good character.

In my first year of marriage, however, I realized that concern for how I carry myself in public—at work, in the grocery store, on the train, even with friends—is not sufficient. Indeed, character is who you are when no one else is watching, as my dad's beloved John Wooden proclaimed. But if I could expand Coach Wooden's saying just a little, I would say character is also who you are when your spouse is looking. It's easier to put our best face forward to the world, but it can be most difficult to give our best selves to those that deserve it the most—our loved ones. Yet our siblings, parents, and spouses are often the ones that see our ugly side, the part of us not presented on our highlight reels of social media. They are the recipients of our anger, our frustration, our less-than-best selves. Taking their love and forgiveness for granted, we come home so exhausted, stressed, and busy that often our family becomes our landing pad for those emotions.

In the book The Wait: A Powerful Practice for Finding the Love of Your Life and the Life You Love, married couple DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good continually stress that your spouse should help make you the “best version of yourself.” I knew I was in for a good read because I could hear my dad saying that well known mantra every time I read it. While my husband has vowed to love me in bad times and in my shameful moments, it does not mean I shouldn't attempt to be the best version of myself for him. Inevitably, there will be bad days that lead to bitterness or bickering. Certainly, being my best self does not mean being disingenuous or covering up painful emotions. Attempting to control anger or annoyances does not mean compromising honesty, vulnerability, or open communication. The ability to be vulnerable is vital to the survival of a marriage or any healthy relationship, be it friend, spouse, or family. My husband and I have a marriage founded on emotional vulnerability and transparency; we have been brutally honest about ourselves, each other, and our relationship since we were first dating. The ability to be authentic and vulnerable in a relationship allows us to let ourselves be loved, even our imperfect parts, imitating God's perfect love for us. But if there is anyone who deserves my best self, it's the one who loves me when I'm not. 

As The Wait chronicles, choosing the right spouse means choosing someone who will bring out the best in you, who will help you become—and who will make you want to be—the best version of yourself. I’ve realized that by carefully, thoughtfully, and prayerfully discerning and selecting my husband as my spouse, I ended up following my dad’s adage in the most important way possible. While my dad is certainly proud of my accomplishments in field hockey and school, I know nothing makes him beam more than knowing I will continue to become the best version of myself through the vocation of marriage.

With a little grace,

                   Kelsey

 

Happy Father's Day to my magnificent dad, and all dads! As always, I would love to hear your thoughts or suggestions via email or comment.